Rolling Tides Under A Sunset

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(I wrote this thinking of someone who means the world to me. Who has always been there no matter. Who has always loved me and showed me that she cared and supported me in bettering my life and myself. Where ever she is now. I hope for the best for her. That her dreams come true. That she has endless happiness and joy. And know no matter what I will always love her. This poem is dedicated to you in your honor where ever you are now.)

    Rolling Tides Under A Sunset

Waves wash up onto the shore as we walk holding hands.
Our feet leaving imprints in the sands as we stroll down the beach.
The wind blowing softly through your hair as we enjoy the sunset.
Bliss shows through your emerald eyes as your smile the most beautiful smile the world has seen.
Euphoric rays of color lay upon the clouds like a blanket making the scenery more dazzling and romantic.
You let go of my hand to pick up a seashell we came across.
You realize there’s more that makes a trail.
I whisper in your ear “let us follow it”.
You smile in agreement.
One by one you pick up shells leading us further down the beach till we reach a blanket set up for two.
There sat a bottle of wine and silver covered platters with our dinner.
A dinner for the two of us I had set up you.
We feast to the sight of a beautiful colorful sunset.
I hold tight in my arms after cuddling and keeping you warm from the breeze.
I kiss you softly on the nape of you neck and lean close to your ear.

“I love you, my beloved. You are the meaning of true love.

For you are more beautiful than the rolling tides under a sunset.”

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Love Glazed Heart

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So many days gone by,
The next to me in bed empty,
Restless nights continue to pile up,
For I wish for the day of your return.
Days seem harder and harder,
Though I keep pushing forward and keep striving to continue doing better and staying positive.
So much has changed in my life,
Though I wish you weren’t one of them.
My beats only one beat,
Never wishing harm or stress to your life.
Always wisihing the best for you even if we don’t talk.
Taking it one day at a time is all any one of us can do.
I still think about you.
I still love you with all my heart, even though it pains me to not see you here.
I can’t predict futures, but I continue to try to understand my purpose here.
I feel I am in eternal debt to you.
My heart is eternally yours always.
I wish for the best,
for the best is all you deserve.

How I Became Consided A Dog.

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I am here to announce my conviction of hurting the one person that was always there. Always showed me undying love. A person who never gave up on me. Who was always grateful for everything I did for her. I broke her heart and everything else. I am not proud of this whatsoever. I am ashamed by my actions. Ashamed of the fucked up things I said to her. Things you don’t say to someone you love, who is your life. I lied, cheated and did other things I’m not proud of. I don’t want anyone else for the reason that I was only happy with her. I wouldn’t be able to love another like I love her. My love for her is undying and eternal and will not give that up for anyone. I failed her when she needed me most. She did everything she could for me. She was always there. She is innocent no matter what I have learned and applied to my life a lot since of break up. I do miss her everyday and continuely love her. But I hurt her so bad that I can’t even prove to her what I have accomplished. It all seems worthless to me. Like I did it for nothing. I pushed her away when I never wanted that, but to her my actions didn’t show that. I have no way of proving it to her. I don’t know through all the anger and hatred if you honestly see that I want to prove myself to her even if she never wanted me ever. She made it so hard to wake up and go about my day without thinking about her. Songs that I play sometimes repeat over and over cause its how I feel. I agree with a song that explains how I feel. Been feeling. Will I ever see salvation? No, I am forever damned. I have to get use to it. For lost everything in my world as it crumbled down on me. I see her pain and can empathize and put myself in her shoes. I wouldn’t want that done to me. But she made it hard for me to breathe.

Question for followers

If we make the changes necessary to better ourselves. Stop making bad choices and do all the right things. Is there ever a way to prove to someone no matter who it is. That you have changed, that things will be different. is there ever a way to prove that if the past history of a behavior constantly is always remembered by the ones your actions hurt?

I am my own enemy

We are humans with emotions. When we are upset We say things we don’t mean. Its not right. Just cause we are hurt doesn’t mean we hurt the ones we love. I did and I should feel like shit just like I am now. People change but it helps when someone believes we are trying to change. When that one person stops believing it makes you feel that there is no hope for you. I was in that position and said something I didn’t mean to someone very important. But what I said out of anger was childish, immature and shows to that person that in their mind I haven’t changed. I am forever sorry. But I can’t take back what was already said. 😦

Remember me.

I always love you,
I always will.
Today is gone,
A clock standing still.
I made wrong choices that pushed you away,
When all I ever wanted was just for you to stay.
I care about you undying,
So I stop lying.
No one is perfect,
But what my life is,
Is troubling a little.
I’ve hurt you bad,
Never wanted that,
But you never think that I want to take it all back.
You speak out of anger and pain,
Never once did you think what if I feel your pain.
You rather me be an enemy then ever love me.
You have no faith that I can change.
But now you’ll never know

Learn to be forgiven

Some people can’t forgive cause they don’t know how. If we held on to grudges we could never be happy. How can you say you love someone or care about them if you don’t give them a chance to get ahold of you or ask if they are okay? No, you just call them a liar. And curse them out. At least I can own up to my problems openly. I don’t have to put on a front for anybody. A man who made bad choices or mistakes doesn’t make him a bad person. But you will never know shit about anyone if you can’t put yourself in their shoes too. Things can go both ways.

I’m not perfect

My life isn’t all fun and giggles. I fuck up too. I try to do what I can to make it better. I’ve made mistakes, lied, cheated, been every name in the book to some people. I have hurt the ones I love and the ones that mean the most to my life. People have came and left or came and stayed. Not all. I apologize to those I hurt and know that asking forgiveness is impossible. I wish some stayed while the ones that should leave are trying to come back into it. I just got fired. My head on my shoulders. Trying to find happiness.

Fight For Survival

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Lately has been a rough fall,
Hard to forget the one you call…
Where do I go?
What do I do?
The only thing left to do.
Emotional chains weigh me down,
Once had everything and now not found.
I only know to survive and survive I must do,
For fucked up path I took carries no existence of you.
Fulled with rage that burns like fire,
why did I choose this path of unwanted desire.
Now here I am a shell of death,
A body whose soul up and left.
Survival is all I have and survive I must do.
Damn…

I Have To Be Strong Like A Tree

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I am like a tree,
For I stand strong,
Only by winds of corruption may I fall,
For this is a tree that stands very tall.
Craved into my bark are memories of love,
For the memories flew away in the shape of a dove.
My branches are bare no beauty to behold,
One day I’ll be cut down chopped and sold.
I survived bad weather rain clouds and all,
For this tree is me standing strong.

Rambling(Fragment of a memory.)

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Okay, when I last left you guys off with things in my life it was crazy. Well, over the past weeks my blog has been crazy so has my life. 2014 is almost here and I can’t imagine what will happen. A lot of my views on things has change.I look back on my life and wonder did it really all happen or if it some fucked up nightmare I’m trapped in. You asked me through email what was going on. I told that person ask no questions and I’ll tell no lies. The mind is complex just as the heart. So many questions asked but to no avil they have no answer. So, let answer you guys now. Life is all but a nightmare to me. If you walked this road I walked you’ll never tell neither. Its not worth telling. Someone else questioned so of my recent works. Asked for a ending to the story. I laughed after reading this yesterday. So, if that person is still waiting for his answer…here it is. There is no ending. The book is a fragment of my memories. A memior. I don’t know what the rest of life has planned for me but I don’t plan to wait to find out my fate. Another person asked me something before I started writing this. My answer was simple…a simple fairy tale that start the way they all do…Once upon a time. So, today I say to all. Forget the story. There isn’t one. It was all a fragment of a memory.

Written to:

Linkin Park-waiting for the end.
Hawthorne heights-ohio is for lovers

Eternal Rest

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I am lost and never found,
Kicked while on the ground.
I have no one of kin,
I am an eternal sin.
Now home all alone,
I continue to write on my phone,
I had a few beer to put me in the zone.
No more anger.
No more danger.
No more sorrows,
I don’t expect to see tomorrow.
Am I suicidal?
No, I keep telling you.
Only thing that died is my heart
So I tell you.
To this I know is true to the tee,
I am eternal blasphemy,
Don’t you fucking see.
Never made to be happy.
Here without a purpose,
Still figuring out why I even wrote this.
Fuck it.
Its the remains,
To keep your sane.
Turn my back to y’all and walk away,
Its just one in the same.
There’s really no reason,
I find when I write,
Ima say fuck this blog,
I’ll find my way,
I’ll be alright.
Goodbye to my fans,
Now please leave the stands.
I have nothing left in me,
I don’t need a round of hands.

~Theory Of A Fucked Up Poet. ~

I Love You

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My love is forever,
My love is true.
A body with one heart,
Only for you.
We been through our ups,
We been through our downs.
One thing is for sure,
Is I love you.
We maybe far,
Far from each other,
For this is a poem from one to another.
I miss you like crazy,
With time being hazy.
My love for you,
Hopefully will guide me through.
Until we meet again,
Remember…I love you.

Soft Spoken Words

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So many things I wish I could say,
But now I must keep them until that day.
Soft spoken words that would tell you everything.
A lot of what i’d tell you I know you’ll treasure.
I would only tell truth,
So fuck telling lies.
I wish I could erase certain memories,
So I wouldn’t be an enemy.
I wish you saw the truth,
And let me give proof.
Grant me a wish, I’ll follow with a kiss.
Tell you soft words more deeper than this.
I want to see me open as a book.
The old me is gone,
Just have a little look.
For there things wanna tell you
Clear as the day.
My wish cannot be for a wish you’ll stay.
But soft spoken words and dearly big hug,
I don’t want you to think I see you as a rug.
I see you as more but I can not say,
But I wait hoping to tell you one day.
I love you is meaningful,
True to my heart.
For everything I would say only comes from the heart.
Please do not cry for you still hold the key,
One day I hope you’ll stand in front of me.
Pull out the key and see for yourself,
That books of soft spoken words only lay on my heart’s self.
I only bring truth of what I wanna say,
But for now I’ll wait,
And you wanna know someday.

Roses By A Bundle

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Roses are red for reasons of love,
It means I love you more than anything above.
One rose is you standing strong with independence,
Two roses to you is of my remembrance.
Three roses is strength to get through whatever,
Fourth roses is safe for our secured together,
Five roses is fate for my love is forever.
Six roses are faith for I believe in change,
Seven roses is not strange for missing you for more than five minutes feels the same.
Eight roses is hope that you can forgive me,
Nine roses the same for I wish you could marry me.
Ten roses altogether for we are friends forever,
Eleven roses a piece for to heal the wounds that are severed,
Twelve roses in all I hope you come home before fall.
Now there’s a bundle of roses I present to you,
Hopefully my future isn’t without you.
Now that I changed you’ll see a difference,
I love you so much and don’t forget this.

No Ending Still…

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Suppressing feelings who cares anymore,
Someday I wish she’d walk through my door.
I miss her dear sadly but true,
I wish for one day to say I love you.
I feel so lost, so worthless and cheap,
I lost the one person still cherish, but can’t keep.
What have I done I don’t want this,
I want my lisa back,
The one I love and miss.
Now, she is happy with somebody else,
I feel like a dusty book being put back on a self.
Why did I hurt her it seems unclear,
I just wish she had strength not to disappear.
She is strong in the heart,
Damn I really regret that I broke her heart.
I wish her happiness time and time again,
When will my misery and loniness ever end.
Now I have nothing but a few good friends,
I’d give it all up just to be with her again.
Words of sadness play on my harp,
For she was the one who always had my heart.
Why did I cheat?
Why did I lie?
I feel like so sad I don’t want to lie.
My heart feel shreiveled, empty and cold,
For a true love story remains untold.
This woman is great and she is my hero,
For my misdeeds that were done tallys all to zero.
I don’t want this path I chose,
So hard to speak up and be so bold.
Now I relive memories that’s my life you see,
Painted on a canvas as fragile as me.
I cry.
I weep.
It all runs too deep,
This mountain I climb has got too steap.
What do I do?
Where do I go?
So many words unspoken before,
Now I must walk out a door.
This world is cruel for this I know,
I’m out here alone just like long ago.
Don’t cry I say to her real stern,
While tears hit my face and start to burn.
One day I will see the sun will come out,
But I will be the one still caught in a drought.
No one to hug
No one to love
The only thing left is this broken winged dove.
What happened to our story it doesn’t have ending,
It was ruined and discard,
No real way of mending.
So tonight I’ll look up at the stars and ask for one wish,
Watch over her gently for she is missed,
Tell her her son would a kiss.
So, he can go to bed and not watch any of this.
I’ve lied and cheat; lost the person I love true,
For I’ll be waiting for eternity with truth,
Anything you want I’ll give with proof.
This is my story a of a worthless cheat,
Now Broken and fragile this was my defeat.
Now you see I love this woman,
I always will.
I flip ahead pages no ending still.

Life is short…

I’ve done a lot of wrong with a pinch of right. Now, I must move on and stay out of sight.
Much joy and happiness to the ones I love. But most importantly out of all of them, the I put above. May we says cheers and toast with beers. This is my farewell cause goodbye is too strong.